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(Written in Peru two weeks before the end of the world, also know as 2012, just kidding)

Inner exploration and interpersonal relationship: Symbiosis or the ultimate paradox?

We might feel the need to escape into the depths of our own inner process and within those dark folds of self-speculation, are infinite threads of relational longing.  Those threads are cast out like thin and sticky strands, each one longing to anchor to something, so that the soul, once separated from Source, Other, God, [insert prolific antonym here], can be healed again.  Albeit delicious in its complexity, diving into a solitary abyss of self-discovery can be a fleeting journey.  Fortunate individuals discover that it is through interpersonal exchange, one is capable of bringing light to the dark cavernous places within the self.

So why is relationship so hard?

Maya is a venerated debutant at the paradox ball. A skilled dancer, she glides between conscious escapism and radical interpersonal exploration.

“Is the former really that bad if it’s conscious?” she wonders.

“Perhaps we escape even more when trying to find union through relationship”, she questions, while delicately seasoning her chicken of denial. Metaphorically speaking of course, this is like chicken of the Sea.  The Sea, also known as the abyss, or collective unconscious, is a profound symbol of inner world exploration.  Maya is a debutant, not a Buddha, and her explorations are frequently fueled by large swells of denial.

The paradoxically-inclined debutant seeks a black and white answer to a technicolor question.  Her cerebral cortex is skilled at constructing a checkers board lined psyche.  She longs for the simple life sometimes, although deep down she knows that would be boring.  For just one linear moment, she ponders black and white squares, one dimensionally placed on top of each other.

“It would be so easy that way”, she thought…

Maya flashed back to her childhood dance instructor, Jeanne.

Jeanne was a bitter, yet powerful woman, weathered by years of hard knocks, split leaps, and a succession of failed relationships. But damn, did Jeanne know how to dance.

“Move!”

“No, not like that….”

“Let go!”

“Stop trying so hard and feel!”

“You can’t put choreography in a box, dance outside the lines!”, Jeanne would say.

Thinking back to her dysfunctional dance instructor, Maya had a revelation. “Why not apply what I learned in Jazz dance class to my love life?”, she thought excitedly.

If we are able to acknowledge pain as part of our development, and dance outside the lines, interpersonal experience becomes more colorful and less black and white. Love exists in the presence of pain and love is the most powerful force of all.  Love resembles chutes and ladders and pain resembles a checkers board. Everyone knows chutes and ladders rules!

The debutant at the paradox ball used to think that interpersonal challenges implied a relationship was destined to fail. Her sensitive New Age boyfriend told her she fit the role of “Tragic Romantic” on the Enneagram wheel.  She actually liked the sound of that, but denied it at the same time.  Maya wanted to hold on to her teenage belief that right relationship was like a juicy peach covered in frosting.  And where there was no fruit, only three things resided: a deep Sea full of chicken and a black and a white checkers board.

Although endearingly deluded at times, Maya knows that there are few people on this earth who don’t experience hurdles while playing their heart’s beautifully twisted board game.  It is very possible she will not pass go and collect $100. It is also possible she will live on Park Place and climb ladders.  Love is the easy part of the game.  It is the rain gliding over Maya’s proverbial peach.

More about the Abyss….

So it may feel necessary to dive in alone, and essentially, we are all alone.  But if that were entirely true, beautiful crunchy folk singers like Joules Graves would not sing songs about the fine line between being  ALone and ALL One.  Or Unity – although drenched in inexorable political mumbo jumbo, would not have  been the democratic party’s winning slogan in the 2008 election.  The slogan was actually Change to be precise, but it was Unity woven into a national desire for change that got Obama into the White house.

For many of us, black and white squares appear Medieval and antiquated. They are not the symbolic representatives we are looking for in terms of radical self-inquiry and spicy, interpersonal growth. Green and purple slides are ebullient and sensuous, and ladders are Rajasic transportation devices. May we be reminded that our solitude is beautiful.  May we also be reminded to not launder our love and compassion through underground hardware stores of personal self-discovery.

May we remember that by climbing ladders and sliding down chutes, we are sufficiently representing revolutionary, cosmic game pieces.  The kind of development we are seeking is brightly colored like the candy raver you ran into in Los Angeles in 1994.  Those kids really knew how to play games

(don’t take drugs).

My favorite bumper sticker says, “Creativity is revolutionary, express yourself”

If this bumper sticker had a romantic counterpart, that sticker would say, “Relationship is the ultimate tool for self-development, dive in…”

Much love from Peru,

-Romi

December, 2011

Fire Magic

Double Tree Resort Event for ASE Group

Fall Fire Performance at the Double Tree Resort

Santa Barbara, California 2011

u

Poi Spinning at Event

Our Friends from the Bicycle Coalition and Traffic Solutions put on an amazing CycleMAYnia kick off party to initiate a month of exciting events all geared to support sustainability and sustainable transportation.

Green Shorts Film Festival

Click Here Below to Revisit the Green Shorts Independent Film Festival Recap.

Film by Daniel Girard

Click Here to watch Green Short “Bike Psych”. Film by Romi Cumes MA & Jen Strube, MA.

CycleMAYnia & Bici Bonita Fashion Show – Click here to view Film by Nick Hoyle. Glow dance performance by Romi and Friends

Click on the image to take a look back at

the Loa Tree Lounge:

Glow Performance by Romi Cumes and Transformative Performing Arts, Belly Dance by Princess Allura, Eco-Fashion Show & more…

Apropos my client’s ginger comment about my “out of date blog”, I thought I would attach the thesis I wrote for my Masters Capstone and share some tid-bits about how Mindfuless practices IMPROVE EVERYTHING, INCLUDING  BRAIN FUNCTION AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.  This is good stuff…..  I hope you find this interesting and appreciate you taking the time to explore your own healing process.

Best Wishes,

Romi

Cultivating Interpersonal Attunement through Sensory Awareness & Mindfulness Practice: The Neurobiology of Intimate Relationships

Abstract

Current research shows that individuals who practice mindfulness meditation on a consistent basis improve their quality of life through the cultivation of inner attunement, loving kindness, and empathy (Seigel, 2007).  The benefits of meditation are not dependent on religious belief systems alone, and research supports the viability of myriad approaches (2007).  Emotional dysregulation plays a significant role in interpersonal discrepancies experienced between two people in an intimate partnership.  Current neuroscience has revealed that mindfulness-based meditation practices are able to effectively regulate mood disturbances due to significant neurological pathway alterations in the brain (Hanson, 2009).   This paper posits that neurobiological changes induced by mindfulness meditation are beneficial, and support individuals to sustain healthy, romantic relationships.  Inner attunement will be observed as a barometer for interpersonal success.  Emotional regulation, communication, receptivity, attention, empathic awareness, and proprioception will be examined through the somatic lens of mind/body holism, in order to illuminate how mindfulness practice is a gateway for interpersonal health and longevity.

Key Words: Mindfulness, Meditation, Sensory Awareness, Inner Attunement, Empathy, Attention, Relationships, Neurobiology, Mirror Neurons, Emotional Regulation

Cultivating Interpersonal Attunement through Sensory Awareness & Mindfulness: The Neurobiology of Intimate Relationships

For thousands of years, human beings have struggled to maintain stable intimate relationships.   Emotional dysregulation plays a significant role in how people interact in an adult partnership.  Relational dynamics can evoke a wellspring of neurobiological responses that inhibit inner and outer attunement.  According to Siegle, an individual’s inner attunement is defined as the ability to be mindfully centered, with integrated left and right brain hemispheres (2007).  Interpersonal attunement relates to a felt sense of empathy for another person, as well as an experience of “coherence”    (2007, p. 164).  When human beings experience coherence, they feel more connected, harmonious, receptive, compassionate, and empathic (2007).  Mankind has not yet discovered a universal panacea to heal all relational challenges, however we have fostered ancient esoteric methodologies to support health and wellbeing.   Neuroscience supports the hypothesis that individuals who meditate are able to effectively regulate mood disturbances by way of neuropathy modulation (Hanson, 2009).  According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the operational working definition of mindfulness is, “The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment” (2003, p. 145).

The roots of meditation can be traced back to many cultures, and most world religions adopt the belief that it is important for human beings to stay present in the moment (Siegle, 2007).  Meditation is interconnected with the religious context within which it is practiced.  Written records of meditation date back to 1500 BC in Hindu Vedantism, and it is believed that from 500-600 BC, Taoists in China and Buddhists in India began to develop culture-specific practices (Hanson, 2009).  Although meditation is often associated with a religious orientation, mindfulness-based skills can be taught outside of any particular group affiliation (2007).

Mind/Body Holism

In the 1950’s and 1960’s, perspectives began to evolve in psychotherapeutic and holistic communities (Benz & Weiss, 1989).  The somatic theory of Mind/Body

Holism suggests that people relate to themselves and each other as a unified and integrated whole, not separating mind and body as disparate entities (Kurtz, 1990).  According to Selver et al., (2009) the body is an instrumental part of meaningful, lasting psychological change.  Mind/body holism postulates that there is not something intrinsically wrong with a person, nor something that needs to be fixed.  Similar to Eastern spiritual philosophers, Charlotte Selver, Ron Kurtz, and many other body-centered therapists believed that people strive for wholeness by way of reorganizing the core material that is no longer appropriate for them in the present moment (1990).  Mind/body holism is theoretically congruent with mindfulness-based approaches.  It suggests that when individuals observe their experiences, their interactions with others, and their feelings during such experiences, they are more capable of seeing themselves holistically, and more likely to cultivate inner attunement and interpersonal equanimity (1990).

Despite the theoretical benefits of mind/body holism, approaches reflected through its proverbial lens are not widely promulgated across most cultures (Kurtz, 1990).  In the United States for example, life is fast-paced and production-oriented.  It may be challenging for a person unfamiliar with mind/body holism, to actively pursue a mindfulness practice for personal or interpersonal enrichment.  Although mindfulness is represented through mainstream media, and various cultures embrace ancient approaches, a majority of the world’s population does not view mind/body holism as an intrinsic way of life (Hölzel, 2008).

In order to elucidate the relationship between mindfulness, inner attunement, and relationships, I will review literature relating to neurobiology and emotional regulation. The first section will describe benefits of mindfulness practice as they pertain to intimate relationships, including: emotional regulation, communication, receptivity, attention, listening skills, empathic awareness, and proprioception.  In the second section, the neurobiological implications of mindfulness practice will be applied to a somatic-based approach called Sensory Awareness, which is considered a vehicle for interpersonal development.  The intrapersonal limitations of Sensory Awareness will also be examined.

The Benefits of Mindfulness: Using the “Right” Brain in Relationship

It is said that what moves through your mind can sculpt a person’s brain (Hanson, 2009).  According to Schore (2007), unconscious emotions drive all human emotion. Being able to regulate emotion supports balanced living and increases intrapersonal attunement and interpersonal ease (Hanson, 2009).  Mindfulness practices directly shape the activity and growth of the parts of the brain responsible for relationships, emotional regulation, and psychological response to stress (Siegle, 2007).  Areas of the brain activated during meditation include the limbic regions, temporal lobes, medial prefrontal cortex, posterior cingulated cortex, and the precuneus (Brefczynski-Lewis, Davidson, Johnstone, Lutz, 2008).  In their meditation study, Brefczynski-Lewis et al. (2008) confirmed that there is stronger activity in the right hemisphere than in the left hemisphere.  Mindfulness practice supports individuals to experience the moment for its own sake, without judgment or analysis, by activating the more self-reflective part of the brain, also known as the right cortex (Levine, 2011).  Right brain function cultivates inner attunement by supporting people to attend to feelings without the neurobiological disadvantage of emotional dysregulation (Siegel 2007).

When we operate from a place of mindfulness, we balance the verbal and non-verbal sections of the brain, are less driven by fear, and are more capable of experiencing inner attunement (Windinger, 2011).  According to Levine (2011), non-verbal [right] vs. verbal [left] parts of the brain function individually.  Life occurrences, including trauma, can consistently activate a person’s limbic system, also known as the “animal” part of the brain.  Limbic activation can lead to emotional dysregulation and can give a person the feeling that the world is not a safe place (2011).  In terms of intimate relationships, nervous system modulation becomes a valuable asset when a lover is provoked by inter-personal disputes.  What ordinarily would set off an aggravating limbic system response, can be dealt with in a more regulated manor when an individual is more attuned with themselves.

Neurobiological imaging studies of empathy have shown that by observing another person’s emotional state, part of the neural circuitry underlying the same state becomes active in oneself, whether it is disgust, pain or social emotions (Brefczynski-Lewis, 2008).  Mirror neurons in the brain inform the social engagement process, and suggest that we are able to perceive intentional states of others (Iacoboni & Siegel, 2006).  This perception supports the notion that an individual may become positively or negatively affected by the intentional state of those around them, and that interpersonal quality of life may be improved when inner attunement is evident.  Moreover, the well being of one partner in an intimate relationship is inextricably linked to the well being of the other.

A larger interpersonal field of intimacy is able to bloom when people become more mindful.  The emotional awareness of the right brain can support a person to tune into subtle emotional changes, a beneficial tool for preventing interpersonal miscommunication and strife (Siegle, 2007).  Mindfulness practices support couples to become more attentive, therefore ameliorating communication and attenuating ineffective defensive structures. According to Selver (2009), mindfulness nourishes the attention centers of the brain and opens people up to their inner indicator, also known as intuition.  One study held by the National Academy of Sciences analyzed how attention is mapped throughout the brain.  The main control center is located in the intraparietal sulcus, and is what gives people the ability to shift their attention  (Anderson, J., Ferguson, M., Lopez-Larson, M., Yurgelun-Todd, D., 2010).

Increased attentiveness also supports individuals to improve their listening skills.  In terms of an intimate relationship, Selver believed that most people want to, “do something to or for their partner, instead of just being there for him or her” (2009, p. 36).  She believed that this kind of effort leads to negative reactions within relational exchanges. When individuals are able to compassionately receive their partner’s words, and can empathize with their belief systems, mindfulness practice becomes a tool to soften the arrows of verbal attack (2009).  Daniel Levison, a staff researcher in the psychology department at the University of Wisconsin, meditated for three months as part of a study about brain phenomenon.  After three months, Daniel stated, “I am a much better listener. I don’t get lost in my own personal reaction to what people are saying” (Hölzel, 2010, p.1).  A female client of Charlotte Selver, the pioneer of a somatic-based approach called Sensory Awareness, had a similar experience after committing to a mindfulness practice.  After working with Selver for a few months, Selver’s client “Joan” noticed an improvement in her ability to listen to her husband (Selver, 2009).  Joan would ordinarily interrupt her husband when he spoke slowly and could not wait for him to finish his sentences.  After practicing Sensory Awareness for consecutive months however, her attention span increased and she felt more patient.  When Joan’s capacity for retaining and receiving information increased, her husband also became a more effective listener (2009).  Consistent mindfulness practice supported Joan and her husband to restructure their communication patterns and experience more ease in their relationship.

Integrating sensation-based awareness practices also improves connectedness by awakening the propriocetive capacity of an individual (Selver, 2009).  Proprioception is defined as the awareness of the position of one’s body (http://dictionary.com).  Carmodyc, J., et al. (2011) implemented a study on the positive effects of meditation on the brain. Seventeen individuals without meditation experience underwent Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) programs for eight weeks.  This was a controlled longitudinal study that investigated gray matter concentration in various areas of the brain, both before and after the MBSR programs occurred.  Results showed an increase in gray matter concentration and increased function in the areas involving the regions of their brains involving learning, memory processes, and emotional regulation (2011).  These areas include the left hippocampus, posterior cingulated cortex, temporal-parietal junction, and the cerebellum.

Overall, one of the most important benefits of meditation is an increased sense of empathy, love, and sensitivity (Psychiatry Research, 2011).  Such prolific changes in the brain, when present in a close interpersonal exchange, can improve the quality of connection between two people and increase the longevity of a relationship.  When an individual is able to regulate her emotions, and retain and receive information with greater ease, she is more likely to empathically interact with her companion.  One study revealed that when a person feels a sense of compassion, the insula cortex becomes activated and its function improves (Brefczynski-Lewis,Davidson, Johnstone, Lutz, 2008).

Compassion for our own fear and shame opens us to others… Love is our true nature, but as we have seen, it is covered over by a protective layer of fear. Even though this love is innate, the [Buddhist] path also uses systemic trainings to cultivate this love. They strengthen our capacity for love, compassion, joy, and peace. (Kornfield, 2009, p. 386)

Sensory Awareness

Various modalities share the core intention of supporting individuals to feel more in balance with their inner selves. Holzel describes mindfulness practice when stating,

The main idea is to use different objects to focus one’s attention, and it could be a focus on sensations of breathing, or emotions or thoughts, or observing any type of body sensations…But it’s about bringing the mind back to the here and now, as opposed to letting the mind drift. (2011, p. 1)

Included in the global amalgam of mindfulness-based approaches is Sensory Awareness, developed by the late Charlotte Selver in the mid 1950’s (Selver, 2009).  Sensory Awareness is a body-centered meditation approach that draws from the spiritual principles of Taoism and Buddhism (Benz & Weiss, 1989), and is an effective healing tool that addresses somatic dysregulation, including mood and anxiety disturbances.  Similar to Buddhist meditation traditions, Sensory Awareness assists people to cultivate mindfulness and bring awareness into everything they experience (Kabat-Zinn, J., 2003).  Selver, like many other body-centered practitioners, strived to shift the old paradigm of psychological understanding.  Her method theoretically drew from mind/body holism, and was bolstered by new forms of social expression that supported independence and mutuality (1989).  Selver believed that allowing things to “take their course” assists couples to work creatively and patiently (2009, p. 36).

Embodied mindfulness practices can shift perspectives from self-oriented to other-oriented  (Brefczynski-Lewis, Davidson, Johnstone, & Lutz, 2008).  One of the fundamental principles of Selver’s work was to “learn to give up this doing” (Selver, 2009, p.36).  Rather than teaching people spiritual rhetoric that emphasized the process of ‘letting go’, Selver was interested in the process of ‘taking in’ (2009).  Based on the work of Elsa Gindler and Heinrich Jacoby, Sensory Awareness advocates various body-centered experiments to assist people to get in touch with their most authentic state of being.  Just as Buddhist practitioners focus on “Loving Kindness” (Kornfield, 2009), Sensory Awareness practitioners focus on “Conscious Sensing” (Selver, 2009).

Similar to other mindfulness practices, Sensory Awareness also utilizes sitting and breathing practices. Practitioners can close their eyes and become receptive to whatever they experience.  The key intention of this practice is to allow sounds and sensations to enter freely, so they can be experienced in a holistic way, rather than being analyzed and immediately identified (2009).  In almost all contemplative practices, there is an initial use of the breath as a focal point, which aids in the centering of the mind (Siegel, 2007).  According to Siegel (2007), breath is a major factor contributing to brain activity and regulation.  With as little judgment as possible, a Sensory Awareness practitioner observes, notices, brings awareness, and attempts to accept things in the present moment.

Despite current research that advocates somatic-based mindfulness practices, there is a global avoidance of sensation awareness that has reached epidemic proportions.  Humanity’s pervasive disinterest in sensing has become a limiting factor for this work to be effectively utilized for interpersonal development on a global level.  Trauma trains the body to avoid feeling processes (Kurtz, 1990).  Given the high number of traumatized people on this planet, mind-body disconnection is commonplace (1990).  Disembodied individuals are perfect candidates for Sensory Awareness, however their willingness is imperative. For individuals unwilling or unable to practice on their own, facilitation may be necessary, as it can create a safe environment for people to address core issues.  Group-based Sensory Awareness work can take participants to a deeper level of healing given the interpersonal context (Selver, 2009).

Some may argue that sensation-based meditation approaches are limiting for some bodies, including immobile individuals, or individuals incapable of movement altogether.  Sensory awareness is indiscriminate, and is an innate practice of conscious being.  It is a mindfulness practice that asks people to experience life from a space of receiving and allowing.  Participants can delve as actively or inactively as they choose, as long as they are experiencing themselves from the inside out.  Similar to various meditation approaches, observation is the key, however the participant is also not limited to sitting alone.  Sensory Awareness is active and inactive all at the same time.

Discussion

Humanity is more affected by emotional regulation and attunement than we may have previously thought.  Current research now confirms that individuals can markedly improve their quality of life when they are committed to a mindfulness-building routine.  Neuroscience confirms that the processes of the mind extend beyond the individual, and that our perception is part of a large interconnected matrix (Weininger, 2011).  Our efforts to become more attuned can be profoundly received by the people most close to us, and mirror neurons remind us that we are implicitly connected to other human beings.

Mindfulness meditation improves romantic relationships by nurturing: emotional regulation, communication, receptivity, attention, listening skills, and proprioception.

An individual’s ability to be empathic and sensitive to the needs of their partner plays an important role in the longevity of any relationship.  The mindfulness practice of Sensory Awareness can support balanced, attuned living and is an effective tool for interpersonal communication.  Individuals who practice Sensory Awareness are more likely to experience supportive intimate relationships, and to have positive interactions with others. There are limitations to mindfulness practices such as Sensory Awareness, due to the fact that awareness practices are not commonplace, nor unilaterally accepted by many cultures. Sensory Awareness requires a willingness to feel and experience sensations and this process can be difficult for traumatized individuals.

Intrapersonal harmony can ensue when we slowly and attentively allow the waves of mindfulness to roll through our daily lives.  People can make a dramatic difference in their social environment when they commit to healing themselves at an intrapersonal level.  The importance of mindful development cannot be stressed enough and it is humanity’s duty at this juncture to improve holistic infrastructure, develop effective psycho-educational environments, and cultivate the courage to look within.

References

Anderson, J., Ferguson, M., Lopez-Larson, M., Yurgelun-Todd, D. (2010) Topographic

maps of multisensory attention. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1011616107

Baumeister, R., Masicampo, E., (2007). Psychological Inquiry; 2007, 18 (4), 255-258

Benz, D. and Weiss, H. (1989). To the core of your experience. Charlottesville, Virginia:

Luminas Press.

Brefczynski-Lewis, J., Davidson, RJ., Johnstone, T.  Lutz, A., (2008). Regulation

of the neural circuitry of emotion by compassion meditation: Effects of meditative expertise. PLos One, 3(3). doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0001897

Carmodyc, J., Congletona, C., Gardab, T., Hölzelab, B.K., Lazara, S.W., Vangela, M.,

Yerramsettia, S.M. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimagine, 191(1). 36-43.

Hanson, R. (2009). The practical neuroscience of buddha’s brain: happiness, love

& wisdom. Oakland, CA: Harbinger Publications.

Hölzel, B. (2011, January 28). Meditation and the Brain. The New York Times. Retrieved

from http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/28/how-meditation-may-change-the-  brain/?scp=1&sq=meditation%20and%20the%20brain&st=cse

Iacoboni, M., & Siegel, D. J. (2006). Mirror neurons and interpersonal neurobiology in

psychotherapy. Presented at The New York University Biology of Mind Conference, New York.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and

future. Clinical Psycholog y: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144-156.

Kornfield, J. (2009). The wise heart. New York: Bantam Books.

Kurtz, R. (1990). Body-centered psychotherapy. Mendocino, CA: LifeRhythm

Selver, C. (1999). Sensory awareness and our attitude toward life.  Mill Valley, CA:

Sensory Awareness Foundation, Collected Writings, Volume 1. 17-38.

Schore, J. & Schore, A. (2007). Modern attachment theory: The central role of affect

regulation in development and treatment. Clinical Social Work, J.

DOI 10.1007/s10615-007-0111-7

Siegel, D. (2010). The mindful therapist. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D. (2007). The mindful brain. New York: Mind Your Brain, Inc.

Weininger, R. PhD, MD & Karney, M. M.D. (2011). [Revisiting Empathic Engagement:

Countering Compassion Fatigue with Exquisite Empathy]. New Beginnings Counseling Center Trainee/Intern Training. Santa Barbara, CA. Unpublished raw data.

As my food arrived, I met two interesting, kind, high-vibe raw food educators sitting on the couch across from me. We spoke for a while about what we all ‘do’.  Soon after our discussion commenced, a man sitting on the couch with me went into a manic schizoid episode, attempting to reap havoc on any nearby person who cared to engage him.  We all sat there, us Café Gratitude crunchers, holding a space of love, while telling him we enjoyed his harmonica playing and presence.

He didn’t seem to hear any of it.

He was in his story, in his pain, and in his hypermanic state of arousal that he has held onto for many, many years in order to survive in this world.  It is tragic and darkly beautiful what we humans are capable of experiencing – what we witness. Many of the people we encounter (and we are those people), have dealt with so much pain, or are living in so much turmoil, that their only resource is to lash out.  It is hard to comprehend and it feels excruciating  at times.  It is as if the only way to adjust to what is happening is to shut off, tune out, and avoid.  The shut-off however, disables us from seeing the beauty. Our need for comprehension through the somatic experience of empathy seems to be one of the great lessons and great mysteries of this world.

There is enrichment available at every moment. So much so, that we are able to find resources to deal with the pain in our lives, our families and ourselves. The question of the day here at this Berkeley restaurant of Gratitude was, “What do you love about your life?”.  I love that I have the freedom to move, explore possibilities, do what I need to do to care for myself, speak openly with others, share space/food, experience nature, explore intellect, absorb wisdom, and feel love. The list goes on and on….

There are so many things that I am grateful for and what I love most is that I am able to have these kind of life-based educational experiences on a regular basis.  All that is required of me is that I keep my eyes and heart open.  Even when the moments are painful and the tormented East Bay street-dweller catharts his toxic exposure to all that surround him; even then, do I feel such a great wave of gratitude.

And maybe more so because I realize how fucking lucky I am, in that I don’t have to experience life in the way he does. However, isn’t that pretentious of me to assume that the way he experiences life has any less fortitude than the way I experience mine? That the way he screams and yells at random life-goers to release some part of his conflicted soma, is any different than the way I deal with my surroundings in an ecstatic dance class? The only difference is the leg warmers and the $10 entrance fee when it all comes down to it…

I speak of this metaphorically of course, given I don’t tend to scare people away at restaurants, nor challenge them (overtly) to love me. However the essence of his mission, his need to express, his ways of emoting, they are all still inherently human. Unfortunately, the harmonica-man is dysregulated because his little child-self was most likely never heard, however his humanity still speaks as loudly as my own.

I am thankful for that experience as I sat there calmly by a fire, talking to middle aged raw foodists who spoke to me about their sojourns, and asked me, “What’s your sign?”.  I know I am on the right path studying how the psyche relates to the body when nearby strangers comment that I am “brave” and must have “training with this sort of thing”, based on their experience of my interaction with the disgruntled, schizophrenic man.

I am thankful that even in moments of extreme holistic bliss, I am reminded of the world that surrounds us. There is never a dull moment because the shadow is within all of us. And as Michael Meade said just last night at his lecture in Mill Valley, we MUST shine our inner truth and light onto others, with the intention that they will absorb some of the essence and eventually – although not always evidently – be able to realize theirs.

Then the next phase of the evening came….

After the schizophrenic man exited the building, I continued conversing with the raw food people who sat across the communal table I was eating at.  At first I found them kind and similar to many new age people I have come across on my path of self-evaluation.  Yet as our conversation continued, I realized their story was much more profound than I realized.  As “Jim” spoke, he told me wild tales of pain, Self discovery, healing, and illumination. His friend “Trina” was probably about fifteen years younger than him.  She was equally engaging, however seemed to be more of the space-holder, rather than the story-teller herself. It was as if she had come into his life to support his healing process and story-telling.

This man has seen wars, driven trucks, weighed over 300 lbs, fought for life, and  battled disease and PTSD.  Now he feels and sees energy, talks about Spirit, and tours around the country educating people about raw food and healing.

I rarely get immersed in the stories of strangers for hours on end, however this was a special story. These people were special people and reflect the ubiquitous light that is reflected throughout humanity. We were  meant to share the space together and gather the insights we needed.  Just minutes before the harmonica-playing schizophrenic acted out, Trina and I were discussing “grounding exercises” and what to do in the event that our energy is threatened or  feels out of whack. The mere mention of grounding exercises in that moment supported me to have a resource, as papers flew all around me and the man screamed his troubles into the empty, loving space.  Out of the madness, Jim, Trina and I were able to find a peace with each other, feel into gratitude, and remember that we can look to others for support.

Photo Courtesy Amy Steinfeld

I have recently begun facilitating a movement exploration called “Heart Moves” at Yoga Soup (28 Parker Way) studio in Santa Barbara. This is a work-in-progress and is co-created by the people who show up. My intention for Heart Moves is to create a conscious space for self-exploration that invites in all facets of the human experience pertaining to healthy expression of the body. This space if for anyBody who enjoys movement, craves movement, fears movement, or requires movement to release the parts of their structure often inhibited by lack of motion.

It has been a challenge for me to hold this space when only a few show up and I am grateful for the opportunity to test my own edges around facilitation, movement, and group dynamics. Often times it feels almost easier when we (facilitators/teachers/students)  have a “full room” of individuals to move or experience healing with. In the safe container of a fluid mass, it is easier to hide or be bold, observe, or ignore. When we have no mass to peek around and must show up dynamically as ourselves, the work can go much deeper.

Moreover, I am thankful for the early stages of class development here in Santa Barbara and beyond, where us teachers often surf the proverbial security wave as our numbers ebb and flow. It is not about how many, but about how we show up. What we do for three people is as powerful as what we do for fifty. Crowded groups are powerful as well, as they hold a collective Spirit and support us to interact with community and the group Field. Participating, or facilitating large numbers of people has its own flavor.  So when the tide reseeds, pulls back and reveals just a few stones and bits of plant matter, new forms show their faces and add to the Spirit. Emptiness can be experienced as spaciousness and when I surrender to the spaciousness, I feel more full.

In great respect for the ebb and flow on this path to wholeness

~ Romi

Heart Moves @ Yoga Soup Every Monday and Wednesday 8:10pm

More Content About Heart Moves

Heart Moves* Somatic Movement Exploration
The term “Somatics” has become an umbrella term for approaches that focus on the development and deepening of the self within the body. Heart Moves supports creative movement and somatic approaches that work to balance the body-mind and acknowledge the internal, kinesthetic experience. Moving and dancing mindfully in a safe group setting can assist us to explore our inner landscape, as well as can elucidate how our inner experience pertains to the environment surrounding us.

This movement exploration is loosely structured and non-linear. With the support of beautiful and evocative music, Romi facilitates participants to explore their physical form from the inside out. Somatic movement involves the lived experience of the body and deepens our sense of authentic embodiment. Ecstatic dancers, professional dancers and yogis are warmly welcomed, however dance experience or yogic proficiency is not necessary. Within the dynamic and subtle energy waves inherent in the nature of human experience, there are endless pathways to Self-discovery. Come as you are.

Romi Cumes is a Santa Barbara native with a deep passion for movement and healing arts. She is a yoga instructor, massage therapist, dancer, earth lover, and performing artist. Her interest in mind-body connection and healing led her to discover somatic movement practices, and she is currently working towards a Ph.D in clinical psychology, with an emphasis in somatic-based therapies. Romi draws from fifteen years of yoga, acrobatic, and dance study to offer eclectic yoga classes and movement workshops. She founded Transformative Healing Arts in 2002. For more information, visit www.RomiCumes.com